I never signed up for a C-2-3.76k
I never signed up for the "68 push-up challenge"
I also never settled to lose 100 pounds
Those are the whole reasons I lost 200 pounds.
When I lost my first 100 pounds, everyone was so excited! My Weight Watchers gave me a certificate, and my wife kept on gushing.
She was thrilled.
Losing 100 pounds did not matter to me at all.
It was not my goal.
At 320 pounds, I felt great. I was able to shop at "normal" clothing stores, although at the largest sizes. I was not out of breath, and I could put my seat belt on in the car.
Honestly though, I was scared.
Scared because losing 100 pounds was incredibly easy for me. I lowered my calorie intake and worked out.
Each week I would lose 6-12 pounds like nothing. I lost 100 pounds in some sort of crazy amount of time, about 13 weeks.
Losing 200 pounds changed my life!
I have talked about the foods I eat, but losing 200 pounds takes much more than that.
It takes being humble and love for yourself.
I realized I would never be stronger than food! I would never be able to "just" eat one cupcake, or have "a" cheat day, or "for one day" eat what I wanted to on vacation.
I was different.
I wanted to think I was stronger than the processed food I ate. I could beat it!
I saw so many others just eat one piece of pizza. My wife could have one sandwich.
Why couldn't I?
Why?
Because I am different.
I changed the way I looked at food. This is a 365 day journey. I can not slip up.....no, I do not want to slip up.
I have always had self confidence, but more than ever, I truly love myself.
I love the fact that I am able to deal with my food issues and work through them. I am proud that I can have "unhealthy" foods in the house and stay away from them. I am proud that I can find time to work out, and realize that is not an option.
It does not make me better than you, or stronger than you. I just realize I will not be around long if I think I can control it!
A couple of days ago I finally did something I have wanted to do for a very long time. Although my wife has never been upset with me for being over 400 pounds, and my family always loved me for me, I have always been upset with myself.
I finally forgave myself.
I forgave myself for getting over 400 pounds!
I forgave myself for being selfish. I know that I will never be able to enjoy one burger, or eat birthday cake. It is a sacrifice I am willing to take.
I will never forget the past. I have been overweight my whole life. I will always be that 420 pound guy in a 200 pound shell.
So after sixteen months of my new lifestyle I forgave myself for the past.
Now I can look to the future!
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16 comments:
I'm a couple days away (hopefully) from losing 100 pounds. It's taken me about 6 months, but I started at 344 pounds and now am almost hitting 244 pounds on the scale.
You're right -- this is a lifestyle change, this isn't a diet or some quick way to shed some pounds. I lost this weight to stay alive and to be with my wife and daughter for another 20-40+ years!
I have another 50 pounds to lose, and hope I can do it this year. I wish you well, Tony.
I have to say that i also can't have just one of something processed or half a cookie! It's taken a long time to realize this but it is what it is. Live and learn :)
Forgiving yourself is so powerful!! Congratulations!
That's just beautiful Tony. You are going to be an amazing example to your son, of strength and character.
Thanks for sharing it.
Way to go Tony! While I may not agree with everything you say here I know that we are all on our own path to living with food. You are an amazing success and have found what works for you! Congratulations, it's not an easy thing to find.
Forgiving our past is one of the hardest things we have to do on this journey. But in doing so it only brings more love, joy and future success! I continue to root for you!
That's such an amazing process. I totally TOTALLY know what you're saying. I've lost about 120lbs and have gained about 25 lbs of it back recently. I just got back from an amazing vol. holiday in Timor. I found my strength again. Forgave myself and have made a choice to fuel my body and stop abusing food. What an inspiring story. Forgivness is freeing..fly!
Very nice post. You have a wonderful story Tony.
my best
Sean
you have just taken one giant step towards wholeness
This is very much in line with the 12-step philosophy. I have a sense that their are people who are either "12-steppers", i.e. who need to recognize that they will NEVER be able to have 'just a little bit' of a trigger-food, and then their are those who can do a WW program, just cutting back on all foods but allowing "trigger" foods in controlled portions.
And then there are those who kid themselves...thinking they CAN have one cupcake. (Or a cheat day, or whatever.) And they do. But the next day, the infusion of fat+sugar sends them into a binge. And they never make the link between yesterday's cupcake and today's out-of-control eating.
You are now operating from a position of strength and you've recognized which category of eater you fall under. You know that you'll never be able to have even "one little bite" because you are "one little bite" from gaining it all back.
That honesty and self-awareness is the key to your success.
Tony, I totally understand where you are coming from when you say that you can't just have one cupcake. We are all different, and we all have to know ourselves.
Congrats on forgiving yourself. Life is good friend, life is good!
"Moderation" is the most dangerous concept out there! I can't be moderate about processed food and I know that that's the case for most people, although many, many will keep on trying (and failing).
I think that step towards forgiveness is very important. I've done that too and now I can fully appreciate the lessons I learned from being fat.
You always inspire me!
I agree completely with being humble and a love for yourself. For me to lose any weight I needed to love myself because I had issues with depression.
We each have rules to follow that make us successful. But, you're right, it takes permanent changes.
You may find that as your new lifestyle becomes more ingrained and more of a mindless habit, that you are better able to control items that are currently out of bounds. But only you will know if that comes around.
I've found I can moderate a lot of things I used to not be able to do. I've been at this over three years now though. That being said, there are still things in the *off limits* category.
Hi there- I am newbie reader. Wow! Your blog has resonated with me. I lost 70-plus pounds- changed my life forever by embracing health.
I am one of the folks who cannot eat certain foods with any kind of moderation. I am also now able to live side by side with foods that I don't eat- I am not a eat ten chips as one serving kind of gal - more like a one bag. However, I can have them in the house and deal.
I love my lifestyle change and have to say- the biggest compliment I have gotten was when my doctor noted that many of her patients used having kids (I adopted two babies) as an excuse to not stay on top of exercise and nutrition. I have gone the opposite direction- i have a double runner and my kids and I hit the streets even after I have been up all night and have a full work day ahead of me.
I have gone from being fat to running half marathons and will run a full in a few months. I am still working on the forgiving myself part.
Good for you. I think that we are capable of SO MUCH MORE when we forgive ourselves... we can accomplish this!
Here's to embracing the "different". Kudos.
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