Is it worth it?

Why do I make the food choices I do now after 30 years of Twinkies?

I will admit, it was a very big step to eliminate most processed foods from my diet. I have grown up with fast foods, cookies, cakes, and soda. Honestly, it was all I knew for over 30 years.

SO how does one make that decision?

Well.......

The other day I was a the gym. It was my "cardio" day. I have split up my workouts now. I weight train on different days as cardio.

Anyway, I was on the elliptical machine and for the first 8 minutes, I was uninspired.

I was going through the motions, watching ESPN like I always do, and jamming to some songs. I think I was listening to The Veronikas.

Don't tell anyone!

Anyway, around the 9th minute, "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas came on my Ipod and I started to really move.

For the next hour I was really pushing myself hard. I usually have the machine on level 15, but I had it on level 20.

I was sweating like crazy! I love to sweat now. When I was over 400 pounds, I would sweat for no reason.

Now, I like to know there is a reason I sweat.

Anyway, after 65 minutes of the most intense cardio workouts I have had, I looked down on the machine and it said I burned 943 calories.

Now, I do not know how exact it is, but still 943 is the most the machine ever said to me. Looking at it in those bright LCD lights made me feel good.

Then I thought about how hard I worked on that machine. I also thought about the food I used to eat:

Four Slices of Pizza Hut cheese pizza- 920 calories
Two Taco Bell 7-Layer burritos- 1040 calories
Chili's Chicken Crispers- 1412 calories
McDonald's Quarter Pounder W/ Large Fries- 1060 calories

Now, I would eat much more than what was listed above, because I did not ONLY eat four slices of pizza.

It did put things in perspective for me.

I work too hard now to use my calories for foods like this. I rearrange my schedule so I can go to the gym, and I put effort into my workouts.

I do see results in my body, and although I do eat a lot of food, it is much less in calories than the 8000 I did put into my body.

But I do not want to eat crappy food after I work so hard. It is like making $100,000 a year only to throw it out the window while driving. To me, it is not worth it.

Yesterday, someone implied that the way I am living my life is the only way.

I think a lot of people imply that.

That is far from the truth. That is not the way I feel at all!

Everyone is different. That is why I do like Weight Watchers, because you can cater the plan to your lifestyle.
Maybe you do want pizza once in a while, maybe you can stop at one piece of cake, and maybe you want to splurge on your anniversary.

For me, and maybe only for me, it is not worth it. I will take the sweat on my back after a hour workout over a Twinkie any day.

Loose skin gets tighter!

I missed my one year blogging-versary, which was April 7th!

I have written 189 posts since I have started this blog, and I only wrote 13 posts the first six months of blogging.

I did not tell anyone in my family about my blog until October of last year, and I hated doing it when I first started. I never had anything to write. Well, I still really do not, but I REALLY had nothing to write then!

I did reread my first post, and I realized I kept my word on what I was going to do, and the goals I wanted to achieve. I did put 190 as a goal, but now that I was at 198, I realize that is too low! 210 is a great weight for me, although I am probably around 203 now.

Now, I have learned that there is no "right way" or "wrong way" to lose weight.

Everyone is different.

Some people can give up all processed foods, some people give themselves extra calories on certain days, and some people do well one day, and overeat the next.

No matter how you do it, it really does not matter, as long as YOU see the results that YOU want to!

Well, since I have had an anniversary, I am going to make this a special post. I am going to tell you something that is true, because I have lived it now!

You see, I have been maintaining my loss for the last two months. I do not want to lose weight. As I said earlier, I will be very happy at 210, but it is going to take me a little time to get there.

I have not been on a scale in a little over a month. I really do not need to anymore.Ii am confident with my eating and portions now. I am just sticking to my life plan, just like I said I would a year ago. In fact, I put on size 32 pants for the first time EVER. I have never worn 32 pants. I think I was born wearing size 40 pants. Much different than the sweatpants I used to wear!

So today I took some more pictures at the gym. While I was changing my clothes, I realized something. My doctor told me this would happen during a healthy maintenance, but I kind of did not believe him. Here it goes:

Loose Skin Gets Tighter!

Listen, I am an extreme case. I have lost 220 pounds in a little over a year. Most people do not have to lose that much, and most people will not lose weight in that short of a period. I mean, I lost my first 100 pounds in 3 1/2 months, that is quick!

Today, I was looking at myself, and I do see my skin getting tighter in my arms, legs and stomach.

Now, do not get me wrong, I am not going to pop out in a Speedo anytime soon, but I also now look kind of like an athlete. I have never played any type of sport in my life. Well, I did







play basketball in the third grade, but I rode the bench.

So to all the people who are afraid of the loose skin who have 30, 40, heck even 200 pounds to lose., there is hope.

I have maintained my weight loss for two months, and I see a difference in my skin. I do see it getting tighter. I see a different person, one that is finally comfortable "in his own skin".

A year ago I wrote: This time, when I do it, it will be for life.

I am glad I have stuck to my word for fourteen months. Now a lifetime to go!

The Beautiful People

Last week was a really good week for me at the gym.

I went six days and I hit the goals I set for myself earlier in the week.

It felt good.

I usually go at 5am. It is easier for me to get it done, and then get everything else accomplished that day. I have always been a morning person anyway.

Well, this week was a little different. I had to do some things early in the morning, so instead I went at 8am.

There was a world of difference by doing that!

8am is what I like to call "The beautiful people hour".

When I walked in, it was like a Coors light commercial.

Realtors, Pharmaceutical Salespeople, and Car Dealers galore ( Sorry, when I think of beautiful people, those are the jobs I think of!)

Bebe Sport and Under Armour were plastered on every one's shirt.

The women were ab crunching on a ball, while the guys were high fiving each other at the bench press.

Although I have changed my life, I am not a "beautiful person". I refuse to tan, I do not want a tattoo, and Wal-Mart is my wardrobe of champions!

Yet, although I am no sex symbol, I felt comfortable being there. Not like I would a year ago.

The funny thing about it was I never talk to people at the gym. I just go in and leave. But at the 8am hour, people were chatting away with me.

"Hey man, what's going on."
"What are you working out today?"
"Can I get a spot."

You know, it's weird, but now that I think about it, "beautiful people" rarely made me feel bad about my weight. They never insulted me, nor did they really make me feel sad, like they do in every teen movie.

It was always people with imperfections that would insult me. It was the 250 pound guy that would call me fat, or the 3 time Weight Watchers member who would tell me I could never lose weight. The guy that had three divorces would tell me that my relationship would not last, and the girl who got fired at her job would tell me I would do the same.

I got a comment by someone named OnPoint who was dead on. OnPoint said:

Tony, sometimes when I read your posts, I see the defensiveness of a 400+ lbs man. That's not an insult - just an observation.

Yep, because I will always be that 400 pound guy. The minute I think it will not happen, then I will wake up from this dream.

I am glad a beautiful person did not pinch me.

The pig and the duck

When I first became a restaurant manager (which was over 10 years ago) I made a lot of mistakes.

I handled guest issues the wrong way, I was not good with employee relations, and I was not a very savvy financial operator. Overall, I was a hard working rookie.

Over the years, I have gotten much better. I learn from mistakes, and I really try hard to limit them today.

I also took a lot of management courses to get better, most of them paid and administered by the companies I worked for.

A while back, I was in Atlanta to learn about leadership and motivation. It was a classroom setting, and the CEO of the company was talking to all of us. All of the sudden he looked right at me and posed this question:

OK young man. There is a pig and a duck on the farm. The duck is complaining.
"Quack, we are all going to die. This farm sucks! The cow is rude, I am going to be Thanksgiving dinner!"
The pig looks at at the duck and says
"I do not know why you are complaining, I am committed!"

So young man, what are you? The pig or the duck?

I just stared at him.

After 30 seconds of silence, the CEO said:

"You should have said the pig, because he is committed. We need commitment here."

I still stared.

He kept on giving his speech. I did not pay any attention to it. I was still thinking about that story.

It made no sense to me. Although I was a rookie, I was very committed to my job. I put forth a lot of effort even if the talent was not there yet.

Also, why would I want to be a pig. I was called a pig my whole life. I was around 320 pounds at the time, did he really think I wanted to admit to the group that I was a pig!

I did not want to be the duck either. I have never been a complainer. I get frustrated at times, but I solve the issue before I say anything about it. I have always been that way.

While other "guest" persons were going to the podium to speak, I kept on thinking of that story.

It consumed me.

Things consume me. I have a one-track mind.

At the end of the seminar, I went up to the CEO of the company and said:

"Hi, sir, you asked me if I was the pig or the duck, and I felt like you did not give me the best option. I want to be the farmer, because I have control of what is going on at my farm and I am not going to die."

The CEO looked at me and said:

"I think you read into that a little to much. It was just a fun story about commitment to your job.I do like your spirit though, I can honestly say no one has ever given me another option before."

That spirit has helped me do well at my job. The commitment has helped me lose over 200 pounds!

Love me or Hate me!

My wife does this new thing when she want to get the most out of me.

When there is something she wants me to do around the house, she will say:

"You lost 200 pounds, you can do anything!"

Now, she knows that will push my buttons, so I end up doing the chore.

There has been a lot of "You can do anythings!" lately.

Today I woke up at 4:45am. I went to bed at 12am after a long day, but I really wanted to get the workout in.

I walked the pup, and went to the gym to work out my back.

Ahhh, dead lifts and good mornings galore!!

Then I came home and did some things around the house.
Then I was on a conference call for work.
Then I did some shopping.
And now I am about to go into work.

While I was on the computer, I popped on Twitter and noticed something funny.

I checked out Mizfit's profile (who is a great blogger by the way!!!) who has over 2000 followers, and I think she follows just the same.

Here is what was remarkable to me. She responds to so many people. How does she have the time! I have 157 followers (or I did) yet I never have the time to follow any of them.

I try to respond to email, but even that is getting hard with working 70 hours a week and a baby on the way.

I loved getting emails in the past, and I still love getting worthwhile ones. I got one this weekend that was incredibly touching. I still respond to most, not all, but most!

I also get emails from people who want me to go into Internet businesses, or sell their products, or want to tell me how upset they were at a post.

I realized today that although I love the Mizfit's and Roni's out there, I am pretty true to my word when I say I am not a great weight loss blogger.

Yes, I will not be at BlogHer! First off, I am a him, and second, I am having a baby!

I do not comment on many blogs, nor do I have book clubs, nor do I have challenges. Now, I will post a comment on the WW boards once in a while to show some people that losing 200 pounds can be done, but I do not post on a lot of blogs.

You also will not win a sweet fruit drink here, or some exercise cards.

I would rather answer exercise questions.

I do not have patience for people who say they respect me, then mock me. Nor do I really lose any sleep when people are furious with me in Blog-O-Land! This is a hobby, not my life.

I will always leave my comments open, and also the anonymous button as well. I am not weak, I can take slaps to the face. It just makes me go harder to the gym and a better eater.

I am also glad that I am getting a little less comments now. It makes me write a little better.

What you will get out of me is a funny story from a former 420 pound guy. One who has not had a drop of alcohol in 13 years, nor a regular soda in 20 years, yet managed to gain over 200 pounds, and lose it most recently.

My pictures are my best posts.

With all of this going on, I decided to clean up my Twitter/Facebook. I am not following anyone on Twitter now, but left all of the followers on, so you can see when I eat an egg or an apple.

I also took off a few Facebookers. If you were one I took off, I apologize, nothing personal.

I have learned something about this blog world. Whether you love me or hate me, people still read it.

You really do not have to be well liked personally to be respected.

With the hour extra a day, I am going to do something more worthwhile.

Time to do more chores!

An Old Friend

Wow, what a week this has been.

Busy is not the word.

Well, maybe it is the word!

I have been real busy at work. We are doing well, which is so good especially in this rough economy.

Getting ready for the baby is a lot of work as well.

Very worthwhile, but still work.

Well, today is Tuesday, so it is my day off.

I was doing some simple chores around the house today when I saw one of my old friends. I was pretty shocked to see him and he was just as shocked to see me.

I met up with my old friend "5xl Reebok shorts"

Me and 5xl have not seen each other in over a year. Although I donated most of his brothers, he stayed behind. Funny, since he was my best friend at 420 pounds.

We used to hang out together all of the time. We spend most of our days sitting on the couch. We loved watching Dancing With The Stars and Hell's Kitchen.

We used to go grocery shopping together. Well, we used to drive around the grocery store parking lot to see if we could get a close space. If not, we did some chopping at Walgreen's since there was not too much walking involved.

We went to the gym a couple of times. 5xl did not like the gym so much. After the first few times, I took his younger brother 4xl with me.

5xl Reebok shorts was there for me when nothing else fit.

He was my leisure shorts.

He loved being around me!

Today when I held the shorts, I just couldn't believe how big they were. I paid $70 for them at the time, and they were definitely worth it.

Those shorts are enormous.

To show you how big they are, I stretched them over a 46 inch television. Those are some serious shorts.

Yet I wore them.

Sometimes I wake up at 4:30am to work out, or I will make tons of crazy requests at restaurants.

You know, I think I will do that for the rest of my life.

I NEVER want to fit in those shorts again.

My wife walked in the room where I was holding my shorts, and said in a very annoyed voice:

" You know, you have a lot of work to do today!!!"
She was right.

I got a lot accomplished today.

Heck, I did more than I was supposed to do.

As for the shorts, the 5xl did what it always had, relaxed.

Here is 5xl with my cat Momo.

I will never wear those shorts again.

The 600 calorie snack pack

My wife is a good person.

Today I appreciate all of the efforts she attempted to help me lose weight.

A few years back, not so much.

We never called it losing weight, but rather "getting healthy".

She never told me I was unattractive, or huge, or anything like that. I am glad, because I wouldn't do well with that.

No, I met a woman who loves me unconditionally!

My favorite story of her trying to help me lose weight was a couple of years back. I was at home watching TV and my wife just got back from grocery shopping. I helped her bring in the stuff when she said something I have never heard her say before:

"Honey, I bought you some Oreos."

Oreos?

She bought me Oreos. Weird, because earlier that week, she was telling me how concerned she was about my health.

Oreos!

I was looking through all of the bags and I did not see any Oreos. I knew what a Oreo bag looked and sounded like. I could spot the blue anywhere.

Now I probably would have rather had Soft Batch or something by Pepperidge Farms, but Oreos would do just fine.

"Hey, they forgot to give you the Oreos."

"No they didn't. They are right here."

She pulled out a box that said 100 Calorie Packs OREO Thin Crisps.

I remember getting my hands on this box and staring at it.

This was the first time I have ever seen a 100 calorie snack pack. I have never been really good with snack packs.

No, the snack pack of pudding and Jello really never hit the spot for me. Shocker since I could have eaten a Buick at 400 pounds and still be hungry for a barn.

But looking at this box, it does seem like the bag is overflowing with cookies. Maybe they were a special 100 calorie pack.

Also, I noticed there was no cream filling. I am pretty sure that is what makes an Oreo. Kind of like getting a M and M without the candy shell. On the box, I saw some white dust. Maybe they sprayed some new cream filling on each cookie.

I smiled and thanked my wife. At the time, I was insulted, but I would never tell my wife that. I know now how hard it is to help someone you love lose weight. Dare I say impossible.

But, she could have gotten me some real cookies!

So I opened the box, and tried one bag.

In about 1.2 seconds I was done with the bag.

I couldn't believe it. I mean, they were not even that good, yet they were in my belly fast. I remember looking in the little bag a second time just to see if I missed any, like in a secret compartment or something.

Not satisfied, I ate another bag, and then another.

In about 53 seconds, I finished the box. 600 calories of bland dry cookie.

Although I never did anything about it, I realized something about me that still holds true to this day. As much as I want to do great with portion control, it is still such a struggle. Changing the way I eat really is the best move I have ever made. I do watch my lean meats and fat free dairy, but it is a good feeling that I can eat a good amount of vegetables. I am different, which I can live with.

When my wife saw that I ate the whole box of "Oreos" she looked at me funny.

" You know, you were only supposed to eat one pack."

I starred at the box.

"I don't see any directions for the 400 pound person on here. Sorry."

We never discussed the 100 calorie snack again.

Pictures

Pictures tell a great story!

11/19/08

This was my most proud moment.

At 227, this was the first time I ever put on a tank top. My workouts were great, and my eating habits were great as well!
I remember how proud I was. Imagine, a guy who was over 400 pounds less that a year ago now is showing off a little muscle. It made me work harder at the gym. I was destined to be under 200 pounds!

3/3/09
This was my most proud moment!
On March 3rd, 2009, I weighed in at 198.8 pounds.221.4 pounds lost total. It was the first time I have been under 200 pounds in over 15 years!
I remember telling my wife my weight and she said:
"You really do not need to lose any more weight."
I agreed with her. I felt really thin, but felt great in a tank top!
I worked out a lot, but most of my workouts were cardio. I would do cardio every time I hit the gym, six to seven days a week.
It was real hard for my doctor to give me a "ideal" weight because I do have excess skin around my belly and legs. It is not that much, but there is some. Even if he told me my ideal weight was 170, I knew that being around 200 pounds was perfect for me.

Then I thought about something, something a little crazy.
I looked at the way I eat, which I love, and realized I could probably gain a considerable amount of muscle. My eating is very similar to how athletes eat, so why not try.
I bought a couple of books and started reading about different kinds of workouts. So over the last 6 weeks or so, I changed a couple of things:

1. I make sure I have at least 200 grams of protein a day.
2. I limit my cardio to three times a week.
3. I am working out with heavier weights. I am weight training three days a week, and I do not do cardio on my weight training days.
4/15/09

Here is my proudest moment!!

Here is the most recent picture of me, taken a couple of hours ago.

Although it looks like last weeks picture, I can see more size than before.

I have not weight myself in a while, but I know I am not under 200 pounds anymore. I would guess I am around 204-206.

I also know that my clothes feel better, and I feel better.

The funny thing is that there is only 20 pounds of difference in these pictures, although I can tell a pretty dramatic difference.

Next week will be even better!

Answers from a former 420.2 pound guy

Have you ever failed?
What diet works the best?
Why is this time different?
What obstacles did you overcome this time?

I get asked these questions a lot.

Rightfully so, because those are the same questions I would ask someone who has lost 200 pounds.

I am no expert, but I have been on "diets" for 20 years of my life. Let me see if I can answer them. This is coming from the perspective of a guy who was 420 pounds!

Have you ever failed?

I have never had a diet that failed. I was the one that failed the diet.

I always did well on "diets". When I was on diets, I did them to a T. I would read the book, and do everything it asked.

On my diets, I have lost up to 90 pounds (Went from 310 to 220).

I have been on them all. Atkins, Zone, Deal a Meal, Susan Powter, Low Calorie, Etc.

Here was my flaw, I would get cocky. I would lose weight, and then think I could do whatever I wanted. I would "create my own diet". You know, be strict for three days, then a holiday comes up, and eat whatever I wanted. After the holiday, I would go back and eat well for a day, then get strict, then weigh myself at 6am with no clothes on and pray that I lost weight.

When I was over 400 pounds, I came to the realization that I had to change my life. I have failed on diets for 20 years. 20 years! I needed to do something that I could live with for the rest of my life, not just something to have in convenience.

What diet works the best?

Everyone is different.

All of them work, but it depends on where you are in life. I am doing a "South Beach Core Zone kind of lifestyle." Really, I just do not eat many processed foods, and I make sure the majority of what I eat are fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and fat free dairy.

Remember, I was 420 pounds and needed to lose over 200 pounds. What works for me might not work for you. I can live without pizza or cake. It has been 15 months, and I am not craving it at all while working around it over 60 hours a day.

For the most part, if you have up to 100 pounds to lose, I think Weight Watchers and South beach are the best ways to go. Weight Watchers gives people a variety of foods, while working on portion sizes. South Beach focuses on better foods to eat. it is really a preference.

I will say that if you have over 100 pounds to lose, you might want to consider changing the way you eat for life. Just an opinion.

Now, I will tell you, I am not on a diet.

This is the way I live, period!

I put it in writing because I want to see this in five years while I am still eating this way. I do not want to wake up over 400 pounds and wonder if I am going to die. That will never happen to me again!

Why is this time different?

My wife and baby.

I have spent so many years being selfish, eating what I wanted even though I knew I was killing myself. I am not a normal eater. I have known this for 20 years.

I want to grow old with my wife and I want my "soon to be" son to look up to me, the same way I look up to my dad. I think I finally woke up and realized that life to me is better than food. It is more than willpower, it is family power.

What obstacles did you overcome this time?

In my fourth week, I was doing awesome. I was counting my points, eating smaller portions, and weight was melting off. My wife was thrilled! Heck, I was thrilled. Then a thought came through my mind:

"I will not be able to do this for the rest of my life!"

I was right! I could just see that the portions would get bigger. I would "save" points only to eat huge meals and then I would forget to write things down and fool myself. I knew I would lose weight, but I did not think I would keep it off.

Then, I read about "Core" which is basically South Beach. It was a new way of eating for me, one I really never considered.

I tried it and loved it. I would eat fruits and vegetables like crazy. The pounds still came off, and then my health got better.

I also read a book by a woman named Tanya Zuckerbrot called "The F Factor Diet". I know now that Fiber is the hot diet thing, but the book showed me how 35 grams of fiber a day will keep you feeling more full. The book was right, it helped!

With what I have learned, I am confident the weight will stay off!

Today was a weird day for me.

It was a day off, I worked out at 5am, ate some eggs and fruit, then some cottage cheese and broccoli. Then I ran some errands and got a lot accomplished, which included bringing my wife lunch. Then it dawned on me.

15 months ago, on my day off, all I would do it sleep and play video games. My wife would ask me to do things, but I never had the energy to do them.

You know, I am not perfect, but I am getting more normal every day.

Raaaannndom!!!!

I have been very busy lately.

Work, wife, working out, and writing have consumed me lately (I would have put baby on the way and dog but they do not start with a W).

Well, I thought today I would just put out some random thoughts that I have had lately. My wife tells me that I am very random, and I agree with her. We will be talking about something, and I will bring up a topic that has nothing to do with anything.

"Did you get the mail Tony?"
"Yes, and I really love peaches!"

See, what does peaches have to do with anything. By the way, peaches are okay, but I really do love cabbage!

Anyway, here are a few random thoughts I have had lately:

I love the Price is Right. I love the fact that the contestants get so excited when there is a chance of winning a new car. They jump up and down, yet they did not win anything yet!
I love all the games on the show except for Plinko. Everyone gets so excited about Plinko yet I have never seen anyone win more than $5,000 on that game.

This is the first time in eight years that I am not watching American Idol. I always watched the show religiously. Yet, this year, I could care less. I hear it is a great year, but I have more important things to do. American Idol was the last reality show I watched, now I can honestly say I do not watch a reality show. I do watch Law and Order SVU.

I read the article about the guy who lost 80 pounds eating burritos. Really creative and possible, although I heard that Chipolte was not that healthy, but what do I know? Here is the only issue I have. His heaviest picture has him sitting in a chair with arms on it, saying he was 300 pounds. When I was 300 pounds, I could barely sit in a chair with arms on it. There is a lot of room in those arms in his picture.

I got the best email the other day, and I am going to let this person stay anonymous. He/She wrote:
"Do you know how narcissistic you are?"
Well, to answer your question, I am not sure. After I stare at myself in the mirror, and tell myself 20 times that i am perfect and an inspiration, I will definitely ask myself that!

I do not really understand the whole "boot camp" craze at gyms.

Original Fiber One is an awesome product, although I am not eating it as much. Does Fiber One have to make 9 million different products though. Cereals, bars, muffin mixes, cake mixes. If you eat cake, eat cake. Do not fool yourself that you are eating a healthy cake.

Since it is Easter weekend, I will say that I have never been a fan of Peeps, yet I do love eggs. Real eggs, not the cream filled ones.

My blogger friend Steve just lost 50 pounds. The other day, I went to his blog, and the address changed. The new address is on the link here, although today I went to his old blog and saw that the old address worked as well. Huh? Either way, he is a great guy with a great story. Check him out.

Top 5 on my IPod
1. Day "n" Night- Kid Cudi
2. Untouched- The Veronicas
3. I Know You Want Me- Pitbull
4.-Sad but true- Metallica
5.-What Is It- Baby Bash

Top 5 on my BlogPod
1. Joe Blog
2. Bacon Is My Enemy
3. PastaQueen
4. You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat
5. Margo Blog

Top 5 on my FoodPod
1. Cottage Cheese
2. Cauliflower
3. Sweet Potatoes
4. Spinach
5. Eggs (No yolking around!)

Last, I appreciate all the positive comments. I love the ones that suggested I become a motivational speaker. I told my wife I am thinking about changing my profession and doing that. Her response was:

"Great, we will live off of crackers for the rest of our lives."

After she said that, she looked at me and I had my thinking face on, she quickly said:

"The answer is No!"

She knows me very well. I could live off of crackers.

30 cakes of willpower!

It really does not matter what diet or plan you are on, losing weight is about courage!

People ask me all of the time to write down what I eat, or give a sample day of my foods.

Well, I would not mind doing that, but the truth is that my eating is pretty extreme, and it will not work for most people.

There is really no room for error. I have to be 150% into it day in and day out.

Losing 221 pounds is insane, and keeping it off for close to two months is awesome as well.

But here is a story of the decisions I make every day.

I am a restaurant manager. I have been in restaurants for over 10 years now, and I was promoted to general manager last year.

I am decent at what I do. I am very respectful to my boss, I turn in good numbers, and my managers back me up.

I am very happy at work.

Well, this week we had a corporate team of 10 or so come into my restaurant to taste some new food. They were doing a test of items they would either think about putting on the menu, or using as a special.

One of those items was cake.

This team purchased over 30 different kinds of cakes.

My job was to take all of the cakes out of the boxes and put them on a rack.

30 cakes!

Then, I needed to cut slices in each one for the group to taste.

30 cakes.

This started at 7am. I was cutting and preparing like crazy. Cake crumbs were flying everywhere. I could have snuck a taste, but it was not worth it.

Around 11am, the group started tasting. This was a very important group in my company of executives and corporate chefs.

There were so many cakes! Chocolate, Cheesecake, Apple, Vanilla, Carrot, Pistachio.

They all had a small bite of each, and then made a decision. Once in a while, one person would look at me and say:

"You can have a bite if you want."

"Ummm, no thank you."

Then they would go to the next cake, and someone else would look at me and say:

"Taste this one, you will like it!"

"I'll pass, thanks."

When they were tasting the 30 cakes cakes, which was over 3 hours, I was asked over 20 times to taste the cakes from people who were very influential in my company.

I passed each time, all in different wording.

I got a couple of weird looks. The same weird looks I have gotten from people at work over the last 14 months when I passed on certain foods.

You see, most of them know me as Tony, not the AntiJared. They know me as the GM of the store, not someone who lost over 200 pounds.

The people who do know I lost weight don't ask me about it. I rarely talk about it outside of this blog.

When they were done eating the cakes at 3pm, the whole restaurant smelled like a bakery. It was a nice smell, but not a tempting one to me anymore.

After we were done cleaning up the restaurant, the Vice President of Operations came up to me and said:

"Tony, good to see you."

She never asked me to taste the cake. She remembers when I was over 400 pounds. She remembers seeing me sitting down a lot. She remembers the pain.

People always tell me "Is one cake really going to kill you?"

I am not willing to take that chance.

Over eight years now!

I have known my wife for over eight years now, and I love her more and more every day!

My wife really knows me. She knows how to make me better. I have never met anyone like that before, and I will never again.

About six months ago I really started to get into blogging. I really didn't understand all of the rules and regulations of blogging, but I wanted to learn.

I bought six or eight books on how to be a better blogger. Write shorter posts, make them interesting, comment on other blogs, and build a reputation.

Well, that is what I did. I would comment on a ton of blogs. I would write posts 200-300 words, I would network as much as possible. Here was the problem:

I would try to write posts that I thought everyone would like, which sometimes was not me.

I would write posts that I knew the mass of weight loss readers would like. I really wanted as many positive comments on my blog. And I got a lot of them.

But the negative ones would break my heart!

At first, I never understood why I would get a negative comment. I would re-read my post, and see if I offended anyone. Then, I would make adjustments, and be gentler on my next post.

Another negative comment!

The negative comments would mostly come from anonymous sources, which in my opinion is the weakest person alive.

I mean, if you disagree with something, have the courage to put your name on it!

Anyway, I would be upset and my wife would ask me why:

"I got a negative comment on my blog."

"SO!"

"It just bothers me. Did I write something bad?"

"I liked your post!"

Once she said that I realized something.

She is the reason I write my blog.

My wife fell in love with me for my strength and courage, not for writing about Weight Watchers meetings.

She loves me for my confidence, not for cauliflower. She loved me just as much when i was 420 pounds as she does at 198.

She always will!

I will admit, since she said that my blog has gotten more honest. In fact, I think it has gotten better. It is a little more edgy and robust.

I am not going to tell people it is easy to lose weight, like Jared tried to tell me 14 months ago.

It is not a game like The Biggest Loser.

No, it is hard work day in and day out.

Is it worth it?

Well, look at my pictures. I think so.

I am so glad I have people who read my blog, and followers.

I love the comments, good and bad. In fact, the negative ones help me get up at 5am every morning!

In fact, I do not mind if you are offended by a post of mine. Trust me, I was offended plenty at 420 pounds. If you are offended by the truth, then oh well.

But I will apologize in advance to the offended, my blog is going to get more honest. I might offend you. I guess you will have to read other blogs. I am okay with that.

I love the honesty!

It is the honesty that my wife fell in love with over eight years ago!

Dignity in a booth.

"Let's go out to eat tonight. Come on, we never go out!"

I was always asked that question by my wife.

At 400 pounds, we would be at home and my wife wanted to go grab a bite to eat.

She wanted to spend some time with me as well because I worked a lot.

I never wanted to go out to eat.

Here is the response I told her100% of the time:

"Rebecca, I do not want to go out to eat. I work in a restaurant, the last thing I want to do is spend MORE time in a restaurant."

Here would have been the more truthful answer:

" I do not want to embarrass us when I can not fit into the booth."

My weight gain really came up on me fast. At first I would wear size 40 waist pants, then 42, then 58 etc.
My seat belt in my car would get tighter and tighter until I could not buckle it anymore.
It would get harder and harder to bend down until I could not tie my shoes.

Not being able to fit into a restaurant booth was no different.

When I was around 300 pounds, I could maneuver the booth so I could fit. I would of course give my wife no room, and I would have a lot of room, yet my gut would still hang on the table.

Although uncomfortable, I felt good that I could sit at a booth. I was not a "table guy" as of yet.

Around 350, the booth dream was over. There was no booth I could sit at. No pushing the table back, nothing. It was rough!

I remember once going out to eat with my family, and the host at the restaurant asked

"Ummm, would you like a booth or a table?"

I quickly said table, although I knew that everyone in my family wanted a booth.

Heck, everyone loves booths!

I felt like I let down the team!

My old boss would always sit at a booth on purpose. He knew I would not fit, and he liked it when I pulled up a chair to the booth, making a 400 pound guy look more awkward, if that were possible.

By the way, he was not the nicest guy in the world.

Once I started to lose the weight this time, I was excited to sit in a booth again.

In fact, I was excited about tying my shoe, putting on a seat belt, and sitting on an airplane.

Now I can accomplish all of those items. I feel like the life that was stripped away from me for so long is back. It is a great feeling.

This journey has never been about wearing smaller clothes, or looking better, or even about being an inspiration.

No, it was about getting my dignity back

Once I sat in the booth, dignity sat on the other side, smiling at me

I'm on the radio, radio!

I did a interview for a radio show the other day.

The show is called Dr. Fitness and the Fat Guy. They are two guys based out of Atlanta who talk about all different aspects of health and weight loss.

They have had people on the show like Jillian Michaels, Denise Austin, and the author of Hungry Girl.

If you would like to hear my voice, click here. I talk about the blog, my weight loss, and restaurants.

I will post tomorrow night, but this should tide you over for a day!